is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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