Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
