hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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