am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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