1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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