just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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