Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Randomize
