I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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