My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
