I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
