those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
