I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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