I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
