But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
