at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
