omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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