"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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