Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
