I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
