i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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