Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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