Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i barfeds in our rink
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
