I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
