If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
