Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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