If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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