i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
