i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
