I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
