one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
