Can i not drive my cunt home
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
