maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just took my morning after pill in the library
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
