I should be sponsored by Trojan
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
