threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
