So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
as a side note pls kill me
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
