I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
