are you still at the devil's house?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
