bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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