ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
