God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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