you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
