so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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