So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
