end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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