he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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