He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You ruined the universe
Please don't give away my fajitas
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
