I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
