he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
