Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
