I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
zippers are such a cool invention
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
