Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
