nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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