Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
