Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
