Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
