i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
