Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
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Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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