My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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