Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
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Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
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Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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