I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
