Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
