So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
