I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
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I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
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I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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