smell my finger.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
