While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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