why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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