im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
