Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
