there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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