i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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