I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
