just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't turn off my feet"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm sobbing to NWA
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
