is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
