apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
