peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
