it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We have so much sex to catch up on
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
